PLEASE Feel Free to Kiss My Ass is a book about breaking free from the prison of psychosocial dependency.
About this project
My goal for this book is to empower people to find the strength to feel good about their lives within themselves instead of continually searching outward for approval. This is the only way to truly create balance, and out of that balance will come stability and from that stability will come strength. Not only to be a stronger person, but to be a person who is no longer dependent upon other people’s acceptance. Imagine the creativity that is waiting to be unleashed if everyone had courage to follow their greatest inspirations instead of holding back because of the fear of what others will think! If you don’t believe this is an issue, I encourage you to look at facebook and other social media platforms. They are designed to keep individuals connected, which is great! But most often what I see are people seeking approval and validation from other people in order to feel better about themselves. This is a problem! And I believe I have the solution for it. My goal is not only to complete this book and carry it into publication – my goal is to create a workbook and audio program – an entire healing platform complete with exercises and meditations that will help my readers put into practice the steps that can make this amazing personal freedom a reality. And because I cannot afford production by myself I am reaching out to others who will value this concept and help me get it off the ground.
Excerpt from manuscript: “If you look around, you will most likely see a couple of people who constantly depend on others to help them make every little decision they’re faced with in life. You’ll also see a handful of people who don’t seem to be affected at all by judgments of other people. They seem totally comfortable disregarding the opinions of others and things in their life just seem to work out mysteriously in wonderful ways. Lastly, you will most likely see that there is a staggering majority of people who say that they don’t care what others think, but they become angry and bitter when faced with contradictory opinions of themselves and their choices in life. These are the three main facets of social dependence. And this is the landscape that we all must fit into as human beings in modern society. Let’s talk first about why other people’s thoughts, opinions and judgments have such an impact on our mental and emotional states for most of our lives. The major reason for this is simply because there was a time in human history when group inclusion was necessary for survival. Human beings needed the support and agreement of others to ensure that they wouldn’t be ostracized from their group, which in early history would have led to death. Presently, group inclusion by society is favored but not necessarily required for survival. However, the psychosocial dynamic still drives our need for approval from others using fear based habitual reflexes to govern our thoughts and actions. Basically, our need for approval is powered by self-criticism and negative self-talk. It is an endless pattern of self-modification in order to fulfill a need within us that evolution has not yet discarded. The need for approval and inclusion. The key to overcoming this inborn need is to learn to accept ourselves flaws and all. This perhaps sounds too simplistic, but in reality it truly is the answer to unlock us from the prison of judgment. We care about what other people think, at least most of us do to some degree and that’s because this function is programmed into us. However, our race has grown and evolved to such a magnitude that the survival of the species is no longer so obviously dependent on everyone making the best choices. Of course, our goal here is not to devalue every opinion so that it has absolutely no power in our life or to overvalue the opinions of others so that it drowns out personal choices. It is to empower the positive and disempower the negative thereby creating balance and stability in our mental and emotional health. So, other than an inborn predisposition to judgement, why is it that we feel such a strong need to please other people and to have them agree with our choices and actions? There are three things that can happen in our lives that foster an unhealthy need to please others. The first thing is that there has been a disconnect with our core value system or that system has not yet been constructed. The second is that we lack confidence. And the third is a deficit of joy in our lives. Being less confident fosters a vulnerability due to continual self-scrutiny. So, when someone else scrutinizes our decisions then those judgments hold more influence simply because we are already in a place of self-doubt. Disconnected or poorly established core values create a very unstable foundation on which to live your life. If you don’t know what you believe and where your moral and ethical priorities are, then you will move into self-doubt. This is because there is no internal resource to help create and establish rules and parameters to act as a framework for your personal decisions. You simply cannot create rules for your life without strong core values. Confidence plays a very important role in decision making. Keep in mind that decisions are made in present tense and judgments and criticism are made in past tense. A lack of confidence can foster weakness and a further disconnect from core values. A deficit of joy in your life can also be detrimental and create a need to please others. Living in a world without sufficient joy and happiness creates a victim self-view. Joy helps us feel connected with others and gives us a sense of importance. Joy creates connection with others – lack of joy creates disconnection from others. When we are disconnected from others we automatically feel devalued and less confident. We view the world as I and them. And our self-worth diminishes which leaves us open to feeling victimized by the opinions and judgments of others.”
Risks and challenges
Generally, I self-publish my work and I don’t ask for support from others. But because this is about more than just a personal project I am reaching out to others for support. I believe this book has the potential to transform lives! I want to make it big, powerful and amazing! Help me start a revolution in self-healing so everyone in the world can reap the benefits of living among healthy, self-reliant, confident and loving people!
There are a lot of expenses incurred in this type of production. I simply cannot afford to do it all by myself. These contributions will help me pay for a recording studio and hire a recording professional to create the audio programs. I will need money for consultations with mainstream psychologists and other mental health professionals in order to determine what works best in re-developing mental and emotional health as I am assembling the exercises. I will also need money to pay for promoting the book and program. I will need to pay for venues, other speakers time and all of the expenses that go into launching a major campaign for a book release. I am hoping to have the book portion of this project completed by Jan 1st 2017. But there are no guarantees on the timing.
I am a certified massage therapist, artist and author. I work full time as a massage therapy instructor at a massage institute in Charlottesville, Virginia. In my spare time I pursue both writing and my niche in the art world – lifelike doll artistry. For more information on me, please visit my website.