When it comes to parenting, there is a major misconception that authority is only rooted in exercising parental control. However, many studies have shown that the authority earned through mutual respect, trust, and empathy is a far more useful tool than intimidation and negative reinforcement. This is one reason why many parents hear what their children say, but they don’t really listen.
Listening is not just the act of hearing. It is more about understanding the thought process, perspective, and sentiment that is being communicated. If you are not an effective listener as a parent, you will struggle to communicate with your child as they grow up. Once your child has established that their parents don’t listen, they start to conceal their true self and attempt to find other outlets to express thought and emotion.
When we talk about being an effective listener to your child, you must be aware of all the contextual information. You may need to monitor their phone, talk to their friends from time to time, and discuss their academic and personal growth with school teachers. This will provide you with a much better insight into your child’s personality.
A monitoring solution is designed to keep parents informed. It gives you all the information present on your child’s phone, including contacts, calls, texts, browsing history, photos, location, etc. These monitoring solutions aren’t there, so you can confront your child on everything you don’t agree with.
They are there so you can become a better parent to them. Knowing what’s going on in their life will allow you to understand what they are saying better. Check out different apps, including phone spy to find a monitoring solution that fits your budget and needs.
When your child is trying to tell you something, you need to listen. Drop anything else you are doing and focus all of your attention on your kid. Maintain eye contact, so they know your concentration is all theirs.
Children are more likely to be open and truthful about their lives if they believe that their parents actually listen to them instead of just acting like it. Being sincere in your listening effort will go a long way in terms of establishing mutual trust.
Children are innocent, and their problems often pale in comparison to what you are dealing with. What this does is it makes you unknowingly trivialize their issues and dismiss them without giving any considerable thought. However, it seems like neither do you listen to your kids nor do you care about their problems.
This is why it is imperative for parents to take their kids seriously, even if what they are telling doesn’t seem to be that important. Put yourself in your nine-year old’s shoes and try to think from their perspective. They are reaching out to you because they trust you and expect you to help. Don’t disappoint them.
When your child is telling you about something, give them verbal and non-verbal feedback. Nod your head, occasionally repeat what they say, and acknowledge their emotions. From time to time, evaluate what they have told you and provide your age-appropriate judgment and feedback about the matter.
This will go a long way in establishing you as a listening and understanding parent in front of your child. They will be more likely to come to you if they have gotten into trouble or simply want to share what’s happening in their lives.
If your child is sharing a story or an event that has been emotionally difficult for them, share a similar story about yourself that put you in a troubled spot. This will make them feel better and enable them to develop a positive perspective.
If you believe that the situation demands a solution, offer them your advice and tell them about different solutions with the pros and cons of each. Unless it is absolutely necessary, please do not force your decisions on them and let them make their own choices.
Listening is one of the essential aspects of effective parenting, if not the most important. In a world where there is already an overload of information that your child has to interact with, it has become necessary more than ever to be there for your child and listen to them carefully. It will allow you to keep your child safe and secure and establish a parent-child bond that will last forever.