I grew up in a small country
A small city
With a small family
Surrounded by women
With personalities the size of a continent.
My grandmother is very loud
My grandmother is so loud
When we visited as kids
We would know she was home
As we were parking
A block away from where she lives.
And this loudest of women
Would only go quiet
Her voice almost concealed
When she spoke of things she did not approve of
“I was buying meat from Khalil and I saw Samiha
You know Samiha’s son…”
And there she would pause for effect
Lean forward as if delivering an oracle’s vision
“He likes boys”
And on and on
“I saw Jabbour and Bernadette at church
Their daughter”
And then a single word
Like a judge delivering a sentence
“Cocaine”
And on and on
“Farrah, 30 years old you know”
“No husband… But a lot of men”
She would bring her voice down just enough to be heard
If we went silent. And we did. So we knew.
There are boys who like boys
And people who take drugs
And others who would rather sleep around than get married
She spoke of these things
Like we do of the plagues and thunders that only hit the neighbor’s house
And here is the result
Yours truly
Queer, psychonaut, polyamorous
I am my grandmother’s worst nightmare and favorite grandson
All at the same time
My grandma still lights a candle for me every day
And begs the lord to protect me
And I summon her voice and prayers
At sex parties when I have performance anxiety
And in Ayahuasca ceremonies when the visions get rough
Najla –
Is the name of my grandmother –
Taught me love and scandal, all at the same time
She made a human and a trickster out of me
And to this day I kneel at the altar of Najla
With both tears and laughter in my eyes
Laughter because by shielding us from the scandalous she made it all the more fascinating
I owe her my appetite for the strange and remote
My reverence for the scandalous
For that defiance that slowly defines you
It starts with heels and bandanas
But then moves inwards
Suddenly the very feelings we found strange become interesting
Hate
Anger
Smallness
Judgement
Become objects of fascination
Drag queens of the inner world with purple lipstick and earrings that weigh 2 pounds
And then the drag queens become friends
And the admirer who was hiding in the audience
Comes out
And becomes more himself
The word scandal
Comes from the Greek Skandalon which means stumbling block
Christian literature slowly turned that into “make someone stumble”
Or in other terms “make someone sin”
You see
We owe this world to a scandal
The original sin
And to a trickster
The serpent who got Adam and Even to bite into an apple
Tricksters are here to break the very things
We thought were set in stone
And that is what we are doing today
Ingesting and digesting the world
All in the name of scandal
1) I funded Kickstarter projects in the past and my bluetooth enabled cabin compatible travel bag still hasn’t been delivered. Can I trust you? And where is my bag?
The journey from poem to book is exactly that: A journey. It calls for different skills and challenges the poet whose day to day job is to sit down and gaze out of the window. Suddenly they need to straighten their back and improve their posture. They need to keep a promise people paid them for. And I’ve done this before! Last year in fact! Check out “Flight of the Jaguar”‘s successful Kickstarter campaign. I will do my best to keep this promise. And good luck with your bag!
2) What is my money getting me exactly?
A break from a system where meaning stems from value and utility! And a book called “In the name of scandal”! With about 30 to 40 long form poems like the one above. You can also get my other book “Flight of the Jaguar”. And the special luxury $60 package includes a dinner invitation where we’ll figure out WTF poetry even is together.
3) I live miles and miles away / I have given up on paper / I am boycotting international shipping companies – Can I get a kindle version?
Short answer: Yes! Long answer: Maybe :) I’ll do my best to get this published on Amazon and kindle for people who don’t want a physical copy. If that doesn’t work out, I can always send you an epub or a pdf!
4) Aren’t you just using the word scandal to be provocative?
Absolutely. Good catch there.
I want to try and print the book this time around with *colored* illustrations while keeping the cost down. I might not succeed there . You’ve been warned!